It Doesn’t Stop – Rachel Lewis

i’m threading garlic to knot and place in my vagina. the little red string won’t tie. infections come and go with every cycle. the string keeps breaking. it doesn’t stop.

queer brown girl has no place. never known my place. men shout things at me in public spaces; they know my place. they don’t know my white mom is my mom. i am 9 when it starts. it doesn’t stop.

i am 21 when the infection starts. it’s from birth control, or sex. the little research there is about girls who have sex with girls says sex doesn’t cause yeast infections, just like it says the g-spot isn’t real. infection comes with every cycle.

the string of names isn’t little. can’t tie off the end. hashtags are so heavy. dead bodies are so heavy, even when they’re small. it doesn’t stop.

i am 21 when the infection starts. i am sitting on my bedroom floor with legs spread and blood building up between them. soon, we will burst. soon, red will pour, will stain the white carpet beneath my body. i need to hurry. the little red string won’t tie. it doesn’t know its place.

it keeps breaking. it doesn’t stop.

Rachel Charlene Lewis is a writer, editor, and MFA dropout. Her essays and reviews have been published in The Normal School, the Los Angeles Review of Books, Electric Lit, Paper Darts, and elsewhere. She tweets as @RachelCharleneL.

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