It’s Sailor Moon Saturday! Ever Saturday, our wonderful CNF editor Soleil Ho will review a new episode of Sailor Moon Crystal (watch it now on Hulu, Crunchyroll, and other reputable online entertainment hubs). We’re making sure to keep a few episodes behind, giving you plenty of time to catch up and allow for spoiler-free watching.

This episode of Sailor Moon Crystal may just be the most ridiculous one yet. It’s a little bit Adventure Time and a little bit Pokemon, with a heavy dose of social awkwardness to give it that extra weird oomph. I’m just going to throw this one out there to see if it sticks: in this episode, Usagi Tsukino reveals herself as basically being a cuter Ice King. Her hobby (as shown in this episode) is stalking pretty girls for mysterious reasons, clumsily inserting herself into their lives without even knocking twice. More on that later.
The basic setup of Sailor Mars’ introductory episode is a bit confusing, but whatever. So there’s this bus, see? It runs on a very specific schedule and stops at very specific times, occasionally disappearing into an abyss and taking everyone aboard with it. Everyone knows about it, and it’s even got the status of a local legend. And yet people keep riding it. CHILDREN are allowed to take this bus alone! Instead of feeling guilty over their negligence, they blame Rei, a shrine priestess who just happens to work at a temple on the bus line. I am wagging my finger at you, parents of Azabu-Juuban!
Luckily, Usagi steps in as the angry mob advances on Rei. Her defense? Rei’s too beautiful to commit a crime! Thanks, Bunhead. You’re really giving Phoenix Wright a run for this money here.
As it turns out, Jadeite (the early game henchman) has been driving the bus into a warehouse (via a portal) and keeping scores of hostages unconscious, lying in wait for the Sailor Senshi to catch wind of his scheme. But which came first, the spooky demon bus, or Jadeite’s plan? The locals seem to think that there’s always been a spooky demon bus. So did Jadeite jack the bus and throw its original ghost driver out on the streets? Could he really be that powerful? When he happens to capture Rei, he uses the opportunity to ~mysteriously~ creep on her. Maybe this was just a ruse for him to find a girlfriend?
In that case, this episode takes a nice turn toward Takeshi Miike’s Audition when Sailors Moon and Mercury show up. Though Jadeite’s 80s-looking ice powers counter Mercury’s chilly mist blast, Luna switches in Sailor Mars, who sets that motherfucker on fire! (Knowledge of elemental type matchups is the first step to good battling. Good job, Luna.) Strangely, Jadeite’s face doesn’t melt off in this iteration of the show, so I’m sure he’ll spend the next few episodes standing around awkwardly while the people who aren’t supposed to be dead already do their thing.
P.S. In the first run of this episode, Jadeite’s parting words were translated as “Rascal, Sailor Mars!” I just wanted to note that.
Next time, Sailor Moon the exorcist and Tuxedo Mask’s varying levels of creepiness!

1455981_591794204224678_571490983_nSoleil Ho is a freelance writer, and chef living in New Orleans. Her essays have appeared in Mason’s Road, Bitch Magazine, The Heavy Table, Interrupt Mag, Impreachable, CLAP zine, the Twin Cities Runoff, and Art Review & Preview. Whenever she visits her grandmother, there always seems to be a big bowl of chicken curry on the table, just for her. You can find a bunch of her writing at soleilho.tumblr.com.

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